he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Randomize
