when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
