apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize