The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
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