I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
