Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
