I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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