Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
