Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he fucked my hip out of place.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
