2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I am puke
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
