16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We need a shit load of segways right now
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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