I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
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They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
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People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You are a genius and a whore.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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