ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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