I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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