big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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