You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
