I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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