No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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