i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Randomize
