If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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