just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
