I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
