so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
