Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
