Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My liver just broke up with me...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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