yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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