return my video game
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
