I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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