You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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