how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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