Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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