Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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