the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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