The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
