He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
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then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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