Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
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