I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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