i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
