dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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