My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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