It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
