I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
