I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
