I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
