return my video game
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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