a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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