She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
