Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
