I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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