i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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