so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
