I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
