My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
