Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
