I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
