so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
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