can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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