Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
