nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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