Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
