your thong is hanging out like whoa
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
