It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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