This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
