as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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