i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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