They should really pass out barf bags in church
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
