he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
