My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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