I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
We need to rekindle our bromance
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
