I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
