Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Randomize
