Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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