Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
