Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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