smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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